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Financial Foundation of a Relationship
The Money Talk….
Just like in the other foundations, you need to have the financial foundation of a relationship. And don’t be shy about it, but be open and honest with each other. Because you need to understand each other’s financial capabilities and responsibilities. So each of you grew up with different thoughts on finances and are now coming together as one. So it is best to have discuss the financial foundation of a relationship, maybe not in the beginning, but at some point before the relationship gets too far along.
Things to ask them:
- Can they create and live on a budget?
- Do they have a saving plan for retirement?
- Are they debt free or working on it?
- How do they feel about money? (do you control it or does it control you)
- Are they ok with using credit or do you prefer paying cash?
We hope these questions get your brains thinking of other questions to ask. What would YOU want to know about a potential spouse’s financial status? What would you be willing to share about yours?
Learn about the Physical Foundation
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22 Replies
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All very good points to question with the right person. I would also like to know how others can discuss financials when there are two families coming together. I am widowed and have adult children, yet I have a plan/goal for them/myself when such a time may arise as needed. I feel this is important no matter what age the children may be. If we find someone we want to marry, but they do not agree with the other person’s plan, etc. What next?
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Great question Margo and I am so glad you have a plan in place. That is so important.
I think I understand your questions, “If we find someone we want to marry, but they do not agree with the other person’s plan, etc. What next?”
Why are they questioning the plan? What don’t they agree with the plan? I would dig deep to the reason, asking “why” a couple of times normally will get to the root of the problem. Do they not have a plan in place for their children or future wife? Are they really the one for you then if they don’t like your plan for the children/adult children?
You bring up a great point and thank you for asking.
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A lot of times it is not the plan they may object to. It is certain parts of the plan they either do not understand or do not agree with. The overall plan may be good perhaps the other person sees it from a different angle. When I was in the Navy I had to see and identify the problem. Now the solution to that problem is where we may differ. We must look at each perspective and see the good and bad points. Then meld them together to tweak it just enough that each agrees. It is not easy yet when the end result is the Kingdom it is something we can work towards. Do not loose track stay focus and have each other’s back.
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That is good insight about the extended family. In my planning I overlook that aspect. I spend my time looking for traits and qualities in one person that I think could potentially be a match. It’s hard to plan for that extended scenario.
In my experience concerns about money come down to an insecurity. “Will we have enough for this?” “What if this happens?” “I was once without, I don’t want to be there again.” Continue to talk it out and find out what that concern is. Then discussion can be had about a compromise.
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And sometimes we can’t plan for the extended family but at least we can be on the lookout for any flags that might pop up.
A good thing to know and you probably already know this is, ladies like to feel secure in the finance area, men like respect. Ladies like to know there is a plan and a goal, some men are like that too.
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I think there is a balance between planning and faith. Yah wants us to use the sense He gave us, but sometimes we have to take a step into the water if you will.
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Having balance is so important.
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would you know how I can unsubscribe? I looked everywhere and I sent an email but it bounced. I think its strange that there is no place to contact Sarah or Mark on this website or how to unsubscribe and
cancel the subscription? There are just too few on here to make it worth while.
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I have sent you a message on here, sending us a message is one of the way to reach us or even emailing us at contactus@hebrewshebrew.com
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Great questions to keep in mind. I would not have thought of all of these. Being on a similar page would be important especially if older and have adult children.
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Yes it is
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Yes, adult children and even grandchildren are a factor. I believe we marry into families, meaning we inherit additional responsibilities. My wife’s father and mother had lived with us at various times based on their needs. Her mother has passed away, but her dad is my dad. We speak on a regular basis. That’s the same with her/our two sons. One of the kindest words came from the younger one who said “you’ve been more of a father to me than my birth father”.
I think when we are yoked together as husband and wife, we shoulder some of the real-life weight and concerns that our spouse brings into the marriage– within reason.
My wife is deceased, but my relationship with her family continues.
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Thank you Paul for sharing. Yes being in a relationship also means being in a relationship with the extended family too. And as we age each stage is different.
These are good things to talk about before marriage. Figuring out what does this look like for your family. How involved does the family need to be in your daily life or monthly life.
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So, back to the question at hand regarding money and financial literacy. All of these are very important to discuss before marriage. Understanding how they handle money and are they willing to accept input, even if that means relinquishing some control of the finances so that there is a sharing of responsibilities. Wanda and I shared financial responsibilities and kept each other accountable.
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I agree. Sharing responsibilities are so important for a healthy relationships.
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Paul, that is a great picture. There is a lot of joy in that household, we can tell.
A great point you brought up is to have both in the relationship involved. I’ve known some who find security in having control and making all the decisions. I’ve known some who are intimidated and would rather not know. I think true harmony and security is when there is a middle ground and both work together in the areas of finance.
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Thank you, Andrew.
I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful extended family by marriage. Caring for the parents of a spouse… If something should happen to the parents of grandkids… All of these and I’m sure more will factor into how finances are allocated.
My wife has passed away, but the 20-year relationship with my/her family has not passed away. If we can extend our hand to help those in need, we truly need to consider family first. Ok, I’m off of this soap box.
Shalom
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I think every situation is different but for the most part what a person works for they should keep, but it is also equal on where you live, as in two live there two should have responsibilities. Some responsibilities could include growing the food and caring for chickens and goats. So like I said all situations are different. As long as you remember that all that is given to you is a gift from the Father you should never have issues because like your pets or other gifts you put it somewhere special or treat it with care to the best of your ability. I think most of the financial issues nowadays is that people want thing’s, stuff to make them look better to others; but if the Father is first worldly opinions shouldn’t matter.
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You make good points, Faith. I agree that every situation is different. I’ve also noticed that social media (keeping up with what others are doing) might motivate couples to purchase things that they don’t really need. To show off and put on display their stuff, their vacations, their, etc.
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It is a good idea to plan how to save and what are you saving money for.
If you are saving for your children’s education, it should be decided before you get married.
We should agree on the amount and goal for what is it to be spent on.
Another aspect is that when you marry it is not my money and your money the money is our money and the way it is spent should always be planned out in advance. This is a touchy subject and most would go to great lengths and not talk about it. What happens is it develops mistrust and is the source of many arguments. So much so that the once-happy couple winds up in divorce. Face a lot of couples approach these topics from a rather worldly practice.
I am not saying the man is always the one in charge of the wallet if he himself is not good at finances rather it is the woman who may be better at budget details, but as I stated earlier that this must be determined early on in the relationship.
If we refer back to the proverb’s wife manages the household money and buys fields has a business and takes care of the family. She is the one who makes sure her husband has nice clothes so that he can represent their tribe. I know that this is not the ideal image in today’s world.
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So true, talking about finances is so important. It is one of the steps of getting to know someone for sure.
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Here is a question…When you get home you see a sink full of dishes, the trash needs to be taken out, you also notice that the table is set with a fine tablecloth and settings, and dinner is hot and ready for you and your spouse is lovely dressed. Do you notice how the dining room is or do you yell and pitch a fit over the way the kitchen looks? After dinner do you get up and wash the dishes and put them away and take the trash out? Without saying a word.